Commitment

Greetings, people of the internet. My name is Robin. This is my Thought Sink.

My thought sink is a blog I created in October of last year, with a specific idea for what I would put into it, a general idea of what I wanted out of it, and a vague idea of who might read it.

I am a person who wants to improve himself, his life, and his world, in that order. All of these things, as far I can see, have been in great need of improvement. So I decided to fix them, even though I did not know how to do so yet, and write down here how I did it.

I started out well, with both the writing and the improving. But before long I got tripped up. I have problems- you can read about some of them in the small archive of this blog- and they are real and serious problems and tackling them once and for always is a great task. And when I grappled with myself, I allowed my publishings to get farther and farther apart. The last post published to this blog was on April fifth, three months ago. After that I floundered.

I am not floundering anymore.

In this blog I have stated that I will keep returning to it- the blog- until it is finished or I am dead. I want to explain here how primary that is. This is a blog about how I become a better person; and gaining the ability to make a long-term commitment and fulfill it is integral to that task. If I become a better person, I will learn to do this and finish the blog. If I do not become a better person, I will die first.

I have also stated that this blog will have a beginning, a middle, and an end.

This is still the beginning. I still lack direction, I still lack relentlessness, and I still lack confidence. But I am no longer quite so lost, and I am definitely not stagnant.

I started this blog because I commited to changing myself, and that created a need for a creative exit. I am still not sure why I need that creative exit, but I named it a 'thought sink'. This blog is, first and foremost, my thought sink. I have returned to it because I need it to fulfill my commitment to myself. I have attempted to take control of my life for the first time, and as I have become more and more proficient at staying on top of the uncertainty of my life in the past weeks, I have built up a backlog of thoughts to sink. I have returned here to sink them.

I had trouble writing before; I think that will be less of a problem now. I think I know the name of my block: it is my uncertainty, the uncertainty that I am on top of right now. If I do not know what will happen tomorrow I can hardly write about it; and in my anxiety the past dissolves into nonsense. I am doing everything I can to keep my vision clear right now; I can see weeks ahead, sometimes as much as a year. This is good.

So I am again ready to try and put my life into words. Except that right now it is eleven o'clock at night, and I need to go to bed, because I have to go to work early in the morning.

Good night. I will be back tomorrow. 
Included @ 7/07/2004 09:32:00 PM; And so on, etcetera, etcetera.

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